Vanilla Storm
by ohlookrandom
Summary: He's moved on, climbed different heights, scaled different mountains- and I am still stuck in the same place where he started from, destined to stay as a pawn in an ever changing chess game. Mangaverse!


This is definitely not one of my best, I personally think. But it's something I just want to get out there, so.. yeah :)

Set after Red comes down from Mt. Silver.

Disclaimer: I own approximately three Starbursts. But not Pokemon. Sadly.

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Remember the last time we were like this, together  
Wrapped up in blankets and lost in your kiss  
I never thought it could end where it should've began together_

He just came down off Mt. Silver. It's all over the news; Red, the undisputed champion of Kanto, Johto, _who _knows where else- he's finally off that Arceus-forsaken mountain. I'm relieved, of course- at every monthly Gym Leaders meeting, Brock's had to hold me back from instantly jumping on Green to demand news of his best friend. Ever since he left, with no mention of it, not a word to _anyone _except Green, I've been wondering every day- what does he do on that mountain?

Does he think of me? Because I know I think of him; I worry incessantly. There was a point, of course, when Green offered to take me up to Mt. Silver to visit Red. I suppose all the calls took its toll on him. But I never went, of course. I was too busy with the Gym.

(Too busy with the Gym, but not too busy to spare a thought for a capped red-eyed boy waiting on a desolate, barren mountain, and Green knows it.)

I say nothing of course. Nobody knows; everybody suspects. But they're too nice, too dang polite to come right out and ask me about it; whispers and rumors float around the Association, I know. Some pity me, most are confused, some, like Sabrina, simply don't care. I am grateful for those sorts of people, because even with Erika's kind disposition, her constant visits with Blaine to 'cheer me up' and 'keep me company' is beginning to grate.

I can't stand pity. Never have, never will.

I find myself connected to Red, in a way. I've watched him go from a rash boy, much like that Johto boy still is- I've seen him grow to a quieter, smoother man. He's always been one for change, I figure. He's just like me- we've grown up together although we were always far apart. Distance has always been the key to our relationship. He travels, I stay put, and sometimes I wonder if I should follow his lead and leave to explore.

_Is it so crazy to still take the chance on tomorrow?  
I'll take the reins and you pick the direction, yeah I'll follow  
Here in the dark with my head on your shoulder, oh I miss you  
I promise never to take you for granted like I used to_

Distance has also been the answer to the silent question that haunts me now, and haunted me then. Why hasn't he called?- because he's busy training. Why hasn't he answered my messages?- because he's busy with a life _I _will never know. And one day, I ask Green where he's been- because it's not like Red to ignore my messages for an _entire _month- and the boy looks at me with those startling perceptive green eyes, saying in his blunt manner: "Red's moved up to Mt. Silver, don't you know?"

No, I didn't know, because he didn't bother to _tell _me, and it hurt knowing that he didn't trust me enough to say anything.

I said nothing then, and I say nothing now.

I tried to move on; I really did. But Gym battles have become so mundane now; people have stopped coming because of the whispers of an undefeatable trainer that lay at the end of their Kanto challenge; and really, if you thought you had no chance of beating that one looming shadow, why bother trying at the beginning? So they trickled, and eventually our Gyms became known throughout the four regions as the toughest as all of us kept ourselves busy with training.

So I hated Red for that, but deep down I always wonder if I hate him for a different reason. Maybe I hate him, because he left me hanging in the balance. Simply put, he's moved on, climbed different heights, scaled different mountains- and I am still stuck in the same place where he started from, destined to stay as a pawn in an ever changing chess game. He's won his battles and he's won wars; I'm still stuck in an internal struggle that draws me back in when I least expect it.

He's condemned me to a life of waiting, and I wonder if he knows it.

I don't think he does. It's so easy for him to go back to a life that he's already built back home, with Green and Blue and Yellow. I should have seen it coming- the first time I saw him with Yellow, I saw the light in his eyes that used to burn when he saw _me._ I understand. He's moved on, and so should I… but I do not, and I wonder often if it's because I _can _not or I _will _not.

_We've been miles away  
Still it feels like yesterday  
A feeling this strong's worth the wait  
After all that's been said and done_

And now, on the news, I see him speaking in that newly acquired low tone of his. Even Green looks chatty next to him- I make a note to poke Green about it at the next Gym Leaders meeting, but the thought dies away when I see Yellow in the background, smiling next to a demure looking Blue. Red looks healthy, for someone who's stayed on a frosty mountain for about a year now, and his eyes still burn with the intense passion that he had before he left. He walks over and slips his hand into Yellow's, and while she blushes with happiness, my heart feels like it's breaking into pieces.

I am happy for them, of course, but I will say nothing. I turn off the television and look out the window, where winter is beginning to lose its bite and spring is beginning to creep into Cerulean. My mind wanders- maybe I will visit Brock in Pewter, maybe drop by to repay Erika for her kind visits in Celadon, maybe talk to Blaine about some friendly training- maybe even visit Sabrina, though that sounds completely absurd-

The phone rings, and I absently pick it up- "Cerulean City Gym," I say, my voice raspy from lack of use.

"Misty?" The voice on the other end is familiar, and it makes my heart ache. It speaks of winter and frost and dull flames, long distances and slowly dissipating memories. "It's Red." He pauses, and I feel my heart accelerate. He begins slowly, as though he is exploring new territory. "I… I'm back. Did you miss me?"

_Yes, _I want to scream. I want to tell him how much he's worried me, how much I want to _kill _him for not telling anyone why he was going to Mt. Silver, how much I missed him- above all I just want to tell him that I love him and I always have. But then I hear feminine laughter (two people?) on the other end, and a familiar Gym Leader's low tone muttering something about obnoxious women- and I know I do not belong in Red's world. It is always easier, I've heard once, to go back to a house you've already built than to create one out of ashes.

So I simply smile into the phone and bury everything I feel into the deepest layer of my heart. "Well," I reply simply, "A little bit, but not too much." I pause myself as he struggles to find words. "Red," I say a little too brightly, "I have to go. A challenger's at the door." It's a lie, of course; the Gym hasn't been visited in over two weeks and I know my Pokemon are getting antsy- maybe now, I reflect, challengers will return since the specter of defeat does not await them.

That is how I attempt to forget- with lies and cover-ups and half-promises of calling him back. Perhaps it is partly my fault that our relationship lies like a broken toy; perhaps it is just the way time works for us. I hang up the phone, feeling lost, conflicted, _trapped_- I should have said something-

-but I've never said it before, and I never will.

_After all that's been said and done  
After all that's been said and done  
I'm still in love with you  
_

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_Song used- 'Miles Away' by Alexa Wilkinson.

Review? :D Please?


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